https://www.khutbah.info/kindness-to-the-wife/ We praise Him with the praise of the grateful. And we seek His forgiveness with the atonement of the repentant. And we ask Him from His great favor. For He is the Most magnanimous, Most Generous. The Beneficent, the Merciful. Allah made the affection between spouses as a sign of His Lordship and Godship. His Prophet ﷺ was best of people towards the people. And the most conscious of Allah Almighty. And the most genuine in advising. And the best towards his family. And he urged establishing good marital relations. And safeguarding the rights. And fulfilling the obligations. And bearing responsibilities. So be conscious of Allah Almighty. And fulfill the rights and beware of shortchanging them. For fulfillment tomorrow will be from the good deeds or bad deeds. Al Mudather (74) 38: Every soul, for what it has earned, will be retained. And the Prophet ﷺ said: Rights will be given to their due, such that the hornless sheep would get its claim from the horned sheep. [Muslim 2582]
إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ ,نَحْمَدُهُ ,وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ , وَنَعُوذُ بِاللهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا ,مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ , وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ , وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ
Verily, all praise is for Allah. We praise Him, we seek His assistance and we ask for His forgiveness. And we seek refuge in Him from the evils of our selves. Whoever Allah guides, none can misguide. Whoever He misguides, none can guide. And I bear witness that there is no deity other than Allah and I bear witness that Mohammad is His slave and messenger.
يَا أَيُّهَا الّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ حَقَّ تُقَاتِهِ وَلَا تَمُوتُنَّ إِلَّا وَأَنْتُمْ مُسْلِمُونَ – آل عمران:102
Al Imran 102 : O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared, and die not except in a state of Islam.
All Praise is due to Allah the Knowing Creator.
خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ نَفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا
Al Araf 189- It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her.
We praise Him with the praise of the grateful. And we seek His forgiveness with the atonement of the repentant. And we ask Him from His great favor. For He is the Most magnanimous, Most Generous. The Beneficent, the Merciful. Allah made the affection between spouses as a sign of His Lordship and Godship.
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
Ar Room 21: And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
His Prophet ﷺ was best of people towards the people. And the most conscious of Allah Almighty. And the most genuine in advising. And the best towards his family. And he urged establishing good marital relations. And safeguarding the rights. And fulfilling the obligations. And bearing responsibilities.
So be conscious of Allah Almighty. And fulfill the rights and beware of shortchanging them. For fulfillment tomorrow will be from the good deeds or bad deeds.
كُلُّ نَفْسٍ بِمَا كَسَبَتْ رَهِينَةٌ
Al Mudather (74) 38: Every soul, for what it has earned, will be retained.
لَتُؤَدُّنَّ الْحُقُوقَ إِلَى أَهْلِهَا يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ, حَتَّى يُقَادَ لِلشَّاةِ الْجَلْحَاءِ مِنَ الشَّاةِ الْقَرْنَاءِ
And the Prophet ﷺ said: Rights will be given to their due, such that the hornless sheep would get its claim from the horned sheep. [Muslim 2582]
Allah established the relationship between the two spouses based on affection and mercy. Thus each one is a source of tranquility, relief and a cover for the other. Sharing private matters, safeguarding secrets, protecting each other’s interests in their absence, bringing good to one another and warding off harm from one another. This is the basic principle in marriage. So when the situation turns to plotting and deception and striving to harm one another, this becomes contrary to the purpose of marriage. Then parting ways in a good manner is better than incurring sins.
And considering that the decision to divorce rests with the husband and that he is stronger than the woman, his harming her is more serious than her harming him. That is why the Prophet ﷺ emphasized preserving the rights of the woman. And the prohibition in the Quranic verses against harming is directed to men and not to women.
And there are many incidents of husbands harming wives whether they are knowledgeable or ignorant of it. And harming the wife has multiple forms.
From the forms of harming the wife, is for the husband to retain her while he does not really want her. And he does not fulfill her rights that are due upon him. And he forces her to relieve herself through khulu’ (she initiates divorce and relinquishes the dowry). And this is not done except by the most despicable of men. They exploit their strength over women. Allah Almighty said in this regard:
وَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذْهَبُوا بِبَعْضِ مَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّا أَنْ يَأْتِينَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ مُبَيِّنَةٍ
An Nisa (4) 19: And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality [i.e., adultery].
Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said in interpreting this verse that it pertains to a man who harms a wife whose companionship he hates so that she seeks to get out of the marriage by forgoing the mahr (dowry) that he owes her.
And the basic principle is that the woman owns the mahr (dowry) that the husband gave her. And it is not permissible for him to take it back. Except if she is at fault. And if she is the one who hates her husband. And in that regard is Allah Almighty’s words:
وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَنْ تَأْخُذُوا مِمَّا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ شَيْئًا إِلَّا أَنْ يَخَافَا أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا فِيمَا افْتَدَتْ بِهِ تِلْكَ حُدُودُ اللَّهِ فَلَا تَعْتَدُوهَا وَمَنْ يَتَعَدَّ حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَأُولَئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ
Al Baqarah (2) 229: And it is not lawful for you to take anything of what you have given them unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] the limits of Allah. But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah – it is those who are the wrongdoers [i.e., the unjust].
And it is the acceptable khulu’ (divorce requested by wife) in which the wife dislikes her husband due to his appearance or character or religion and she fears that she will not be able to obey Allah Almighty regarding him.
And from the forms of harming the wife is to prolong her waiting period. That is, he divorces her because he does not want her. Then when the waiting period is almost over he takes her back to agonize her or to extract her wealth or for some other despicable purpose. And the people in the pre-Islamic era used to do this. So Allah Almighty sternly prohibited this as indicated in the verse:
وَإِذَا طَلَّقْتُمُ النِّسَاءَ فَبَلَغْنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَأَمْسِكُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ سَرِّحُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ وَلَا تُمْسِكُوهُنَّ ضِرَارًا لِتَعْتَدُوا وَمَنْ يَفْعَلْ ذَلِكَ فَقَدْ ظَلَمَ نَفْسَهُ وَلَا تَتَّخِذُوا آيَاتِ اللَّهِ هُزُوًا
Al Baqarah (2) 231: And when you divorce women and they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or release them according to acceptable terms, and do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress [against them]. And whoever does that has certainly wronged himself. And do not take the verses of Allah in jest.
And a form of harming the wife is to keep her in limbo. So he neither retains her fulfilling her rights nor does he divorce her so that she can marry someone else. Especially if she stays silent about her situation due to her weakness or the absence of her family or her not having a supporter. And there are women who stay in limbo for years and rather decades. So her life is wasted by being in limbo. And she will be counted as married while in reality she does not have a husband.
And from the forms of harming the wife is to deny her rights of financial support, housing and marital relations. So he turns her – for what she needs in terms of financial support – to someone else. And he is responsible for her. And the Prophet ﷺ said:
كَفَى بِالْمَرْءِ إِثْمًا أَنْ يُضَيِّعَ مَنْ يَقُوتُ
It is sufficient sin for a man that he neglects those whom he is responsible for sustaining. [Abu Dawud 1692]
And his falling short in regard to intimate relations opens the gates of the haram (forbidden) for her. So if he desires her, he should give her her rights. And if he does not desire her, then he should release her with good treatment so that Allah Almighty can bestow her with another husband who will give her her rights. Rather, if he had forsaken intimate relations with her for the sake of worship, he would have been disobedient to Allah and fallen short regarding her rights. And the Prophet ﷺ disapproved of Uthman bin Math3oon’s (may Allah be pleased with him) neglecting and falling short in his wife’s rights. And he ﷺ said to him:
فَاتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَا عُثْمَانُ, فَإِنَّ لِأَهْلِكَ عَلَيْكَ حَقًّا
Be conscious of Allah, Uthman, your wife has a right on you. [Abu Dawood 1369]
And Salman Al Faarisi disapproved of Abu Darda’s (may Allah be pleased with them both) striving in worship and neglecting his wife’s rights and said to him:
إِنَّ لِرَبِّكَ عَلَيْكَ حَقًّا, وَلِنَفْسِكَ عَلَيْكَ حَقًّا, وَلِأَهْلِكَ عَلَيْكَ حَقًّا, فَأَعْطِ كُلَّ ذِي حَقٍّ حَقَّهُ, فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ -صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ-: صَدَقَ سَلْمَانُ
Indeed your Lord has a right upon you, your self has a right upon you, and your family has a right upon you. So give each the right they are due. Then the Prophet ﷺ said: Salman has told the truth. [Bukhari 6139]
And Omar bin Shabbah narrated from Al Sha3bee that Kaab bin Soor was sitting with Omar bin Khattab and a woman came and said: Oh leader of the faithful, I have never seen a man better than my husband. By Allah he spends his nights in prayer and his days in fasting. So Omar supplicated to Allah to forgive her and then he praised her. Then the woman became bashful and got up and left. Then Kaab said: Oh Leader of the Faithful:
Did you sow enmity between the woman and her husband? Omar responded: In what way? Kaab replied: She came to complain about him. If he worships in this manner, then when will he have time for her? So Omar sent for her husband. When he came he said to Kaab: Judge between them, for you understood from her matter what I did not understand. Kaab said: I see that it is as if he has three other wives and she is the fourth. So I decree that he has three nights and days to worship and she has a full day and night. So Omar responded: By Allah, your first conclusion is not more astonishing to me than your second one, I appoint you as a Judge over the people of Basra. And in another narration. Then Omar said: You are a good judge. Ibn Qudamah (may Allah have mercy upon him) said: Intimate relations with one’s wife are obligatory for the man if does not have an excuse.
And from the forms of harming the wife is to perform the forbidden with her. Especially if he compels her in that regard. Such as intercourse during menstruation or in her rear. For he harms her physically just as he harms her religion. And it is not permissible for her to obey him in a forbidden matter. And Allah Almighty said:
وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْمَحِيضِ قُلْ هُوَ أَذًى فَاعْتَزِلُوا النِّسَاءَ فِي الْمَحِيضِ وَلَا تَقْرَبُوهُنَّ حَتَّى يَطْهُرْنَ فَإِذَا تَطَهَّرْنَ فَأْتُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ أَمَرَكُمُ اللَّهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ التَّوَّابِينَ وَيُحِبُّ الْمُتَطَهِّرِينَ
Al Baqarah (2) 222: And they ask you about menstruation. Say, “It is harm, so keep away from wives during menstruation. And do not approach them until they are pure. And when they have purified themselves, then come to them from where Allah has ordained for you. Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves.”
And it was related in the Hadith:
مَلْعُونٌ مَنْ أَتَى امْرَأَته فِي دُبُرِهَا
Cursed is the one who has intercourse with a woman in her rear. [Abu Dawood 2162]
So Husbands must be conscious and mindful of Allah Almighty with regards to their wives and discharging their rights. For the Prophet ﷺ enjoined kind treatment of them in the farewell Hajj saying:
اسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا, فَإِنَّهُنَّ عِنْدَكُمْ عَوَانٍ
I enjoin good treatment of women, for they are captives with you. [Ibn Majah 1513]
That is she is confined by the marital constraints. And the Prophet ﷺ repeated this advice particularly in his last days. And it is a binding commandment for all Muslims.
أَقُولُ مَا تَسْمَعُونَ وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللهَ لِي وَلَكُمْ مِنْ كُلِّ ذَنْبٍ فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهُ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
I say what you have heard and I seek forgiveness from Allah for me and you from every sin. So seek forgives from Him, Verily He is Oft-Forgiving, the Most Merciful.
الحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ, وَالصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَى رَسُولِ اللهِ , وَ أَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَاْ إِلَهَ إِلَّاْ اَللهُ وَحْدَهُ لَاْشَرِيْكَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدَاً عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُوْلُهُ
All praise is to Allah, and peace and blessings upon the Messenger of Allah, and I bear witness that there is no deity other than Allah and I bear witness that Mohammad is His slave and messenger.
A man is obliged to learn the rights that are due upon him for his wife. So that he does not unknowingly harm her. And how many a husband is immersed in sin and injustice regarding his interactions with his wife, and he thinks that he is just, fair and kind? And the reason for that is ignorance about the rights and thinking too well of oneself. And the believer always returns to the truth. Even if truth comes to him from somebody else. Whether a son, wife or sister. For he looks at the truth and does not look at the one saying it. And this is the one who is saved from wrong doing and losing other’s rights.
Oh Allah, grant us knowledge of our religion and acting upon it. Make us among those who properly discharge all the rights due upon us. Indeed, you are All Hearing, Answering.
هَذَا وَصَلُّوا وَسَلِّمُوا عَلَى نَبِيِّكُم كَمَا أَمَرَكُمْ بِذلِكَ رَبُّكُمْ , فَقَالَ
I conclude with this and send prayers of blessings and peace upon your Prophet as your Lord commanded:
إِنَّ اللَّهَ وَمَلَائِكَتَهُ يُصَلُّونَ عَلَى النَّبِيِّ ۚ يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا صَلُّوا عَلَيْهِ وَسَلِّمُوا تَسْلِيمًا
Al Ahzaab (33) 56: Indeed, Allah confers blessing upon the Prophet, and His angels [ask Him to do so]. O you who have believed, ask [ Allah to confer] blessing upon him and ask [ Allah to grant him] peace.
اللَّهُمَّ اهْدِنا فِيمَنْ هَدَيْتَ وَعَافِنا فِيمَنْ عَافَيْتَ وَتَوَلَّنا فِيمَنْ تَوَلَّيْتَ وَبَارِكْ لنا فِيمَا أَعْطَيْتَ وَقِنا شَرَّ مَا قَضَيْتَ إِنَّكَ تَقْضِي وَلاَ يُقْضَى عَلَيْكَ وَإِنَّهُ لاَ يَذِلُّ مَنْ وَالَيْتَ تَبَارَكْتَ رَبَّنَا وَتَعَالَيْتَ
O Allah, guide us with those whom You have guided, grant us well-being among those You have granted well-being, be an ally to us along with those whom You are an ally to, and bless what You have bestowed upon us, and save us from the evil of what You have decreed. For verily You decree and none can decree over You. He whom You support can never be humiliated. Glory is to You, our Lord, You are Blessed and Exalted.
اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّا نَسْأَلُكَ مِنَ الْخَيْرِ كُلِّهِ عَاجِلِهِ وَآجِلِهِ مَا عَلِمْنا مِنْهُ وَمَا لَمْ نَعْلَمْ وَنَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الشَّرِّ كُلِّهِ عَاجِلِهِ وَآجِلِهِ مَا عَلِمْنا مِنْهُ وَمَا لَمْ نَعْلَمْ اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّا نَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ خَيْرِ مَا سَأَلَكَ عَبْدُكَ وَنَبِيُّكَ وَنَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا عَاذَ بِهِ عَبْدُكَ وَنَبِيُّكَ اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّا نَسْأَلُكَ الْجَنَّةَ وَمَا قَرَّبَ إِلَيْهَا مِنْ قَوْلٍ أَوْ عَمَلٍ وَنَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ النَّارِ وَمَا قَرَّبَ إِلَيْهَا مِنْ قَوْلٍ أَوْ عَمَلٍ وَنَسْأَلُكَ أَنْ تَجْعَلَ كُلَّ قَضَاءٍ قَضَيْتَهُ لَنا خَيْرًا
O Allah, We ask You for all that is good, in this world and in the Hereafter, what we know and what we do not know. O Allah, we seek refuge with You from all evil, in this world and in the Hereafter, what we know and what we do not know. O Allah, we ask You for the good that Your servant and Prophet has asked You for, and we seek refuge with You from the evil from which Your servant and Prophet sought refuge. O Allah, we ask You for Paradise and for that which brings one closer to it, in word and deed, and we seek refuge in You from Hell and from that which brings one closer to it, in word and deed. And we ask You to make every decree that You decree concerning us good
عِبَادَ اللّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَيَنْهَىٰ عَنِ الْفَحْشَاءِ وَالْمُنكَرِ وَالْبَغْيِ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ
Servants of Allah. Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded.
اُذْكُرُوا اللَّهَ الْعَظِيمَ يَذْكُرْكُمْ واشْكُرُوهُ يَزِدْكُمْ واسْتَغْفِرُوهُ يَغْفِرْ لكُمْ واتّقُوهُ يَجْعَلْ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَمْرِكُمْ مَخْرَجًا وَأَقِمِ الصّلَاة
Remember Allah, the Great – He will remember you. Thank Him for His favors – He will increase you therein. And seek forgiveness from Him – He will forgive you. And be conscious of Him – He will provide you a way out of difficult matters. And, establish the prayer.
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