https://www.khutbah.info/concern-over-family/ The Prophet ﷺ informed us that the best of people are those who are the best to their families. And he ﷺ was the best to his family. He ﷺ used to repair his shoes, mend his clothes and strive in fulfilling his family’s needs. In Islam, the family is of great importance and standing. And this is evident for whoever ponders on the religious texts in building a family starting with selecting a righteous wife. And a woman agreeing to marry a qualified man. And facilitating the dowry and expenses on the groom. Such that there is blessing in the marriage.
إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ ,نَحْمَدُهُ ,وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ , وَنَعُوذُ بِاللهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا ,مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ , وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ , وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ
Verily, all praise is for Allah. We praise Him, we seek His assistance and we ask for His forgiveness. And we seek refuge in Him from the evils of our selves. Whoever Allah guides, none can misguide. Whoever He misguides, none can guide. And I bear witness that there is no deity other than Allah and I bear witness that Mohammad is His slave and messenger.
يَا أَيُّهَا الّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ حَقَّ تُقَاتِهِ وَلَا تَمُوتُنَّ إِلَّا وَأَنْتُمْ مُسْلِمُونَ – آل عمران:102
Al Imran 102 : O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared, and die not except in a state of Islam.
All praise is due to Allah the Creator, the All Knowing.
خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ نَفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا) [الْأَعْرَافِ: 189
Al-Araf (7) 189: It is He Who created you from a single soul, and from it He made its spouse, so that he finds comfort in her.
We praise Him for His favors and blessings. We are grateful for his graciousness and kindness. All good is in His hands. And the evil is not attributed to Him. Blessed is He Most Exalted. We seek His forgiveness and repent to Him.
So be conscious of Allah the Exalted and obey Him. And adhere to His religion and reflect on His Book and follow His Prophet. For in that is wisdom and success.
اتَّبِعُوا مَا أُنْزِلَ إِلَيْكُمْ مِنْ رَبِّكُمْ وَلَا تَتَّبِعُوا مِنْ دُونِهِ أَوْلِيَاءَ قَلِيلًا مَا تَذَكَّرُونَ [الْأَعْرَافِ: 3
Al Araf (7) 3: Follow, [O mankind], what has been revealed to you from your Lord and do not follow other than Him any allies. Little do you remember.
The Prophet ﷺ informed us that the best of people are those who are the best to their families. And he ﷺ was the best to his family. He ﷺ used to repair his shoes, mend his clothes and strive in fulfilling his family’s needs.
In Islam, the family is of great importance and standing. And this is evident for whoever ponders on the religious texts in building a family starting with selecting a righteous wife. And a woman agreeing to marry a qualified man. And facilitating the dowry and expenses on the groom. Such that there is blessing in the marriage.
And likewise what was related from the two spouses making remembrances and supplications and seeking blessings. And what was related of the great reward for excellence in companionship and spending. And a man is rewarded for being playful with his family. And what Allah has established of rights due to the wife from the husband. And rights and obedience due to the Husband from the wife. To the extent that obedience to the husband is prioritized over obedience to the parents even in consideration of the kindness and goodness due to them and the great sin incurred by disrespecting them.
There are many of these rulings. Why? There a many examples. Why? It is for the purpose of building a balanced and righteous family. And so that the children live in a secure and stable environment. To build a strong vibrant ummah (nation). Otherwise, many of the families that have a lot of spousal discord end up separating resulting in devastated and troubled children. They do not feel secure nor do they find solace and tranquility.
And among the most amazing wonders in the Quran is that fear is repeated in the verses of marriage and divorce more than it is repeated for any other matter.
So every step that Allah guides to this great matter is issued with fear to guide the people to fearing that their families will be scattered and lost. And so that they promptly solve marital issues in accordance to the way prescribed by the Lord at the slightest hint of anything that may stifle and agitate life to eliminate issues in their infancy. And finding solutions to it before it gets worse. Let us consider some brief examples in this regard.
In the verse permitting multiple wives:
وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا فِي الْيَتَامَى فَانْكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُمْ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَى وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ [النِّسَاءِ: 3]
An Nisaa (4) 3: And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four.
And this verse refers to the orphan that is under the guardianship of a man and he wishes to take her as a wife for himself or his son. Due the disparity it may be possible that he fails to give her the rights due to her. If he fears this, then he is prescribed to marry other women with whom he can deal with justly.
Then fear was repeated in the verse in the context of the man not being able to be fair between multiple wives.
فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ذَلِكَ أَدْنَى أَلَّا تَعُولُوا [النِّسَاءِ: 3
An Nisa (4) 3: But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hands possess [i.e., slaves]. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].
During marriage, the wife may fall short in the rights of the husband and show signs of defiance against him. So Allah guided the husbands to the treatment of this and He the Exalted indicated the steps of the remedy which was also issued with fear:
وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا) [النِّسَاءِ: 34
AnNisa (4) 34: But those [wives] from whom you fear ill conduct – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them [lightly]. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.
With that the wife may not change. Or the husband may be in the wrong and she is in the right. So Allah the Exalted guided to arbitration between the spouses. And this was also issued with fear.
وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِنْ أَهْلِهَا إِنْ يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا [النِّسَاءِ: 35
An Nisa (4) 35: And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Aware.
And the woman may hate her husband and not want him due to a specific reason or for no reason but her heart was repulsed from him and she cannot stand to live with him. And the Quran has a remedy for this case.
And the divine ruling was also issued with fear:
وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَنْ تَأْخُذُوا مِمَّا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ شَيْئًا إِلَّا أَنْ يَخَافَا أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا فِيمَا افْتَدَتْ بِهِ تِلْكَ حُدُودُ اللَّهِ فَلَا تَعْتَدُوهَا وَمَنْ يَتَعَدَّ حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَأُولَئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ [الْبَقَرَةِ: 229
Al Baqarah (2) 229: And it is not lawful for you to take anything of what you have given them unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] the limits of Allah. But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah – it is those who are the wrongdoers [i.e., the unjust].
And it could be the opposite. And that is the man hates the woman and does not want her. But she wants him and it is difficult for her to leave him. And the remedy for this is in the Quran and was issued with fear:
وَإِنِ امْرَأَةٌ خَافَتْ مِنْ بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزًا أَوْ إِعْرَاضًا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا أَنْ يُصْلِحَا بَيْنَهُمَا صُلْحًا وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ وَأُحْضِرَتِ الْأَنْفُسُ الشُّحَّ وَإِنْ تُحْسِنُوا وَتَتَّقُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًا [النِّسَاءِ: 128].
An Nisa (4) 128: And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them – and settlement is best. And present in [human] souls is stinginess. But if you do good and fear Allah – then indeed Allah is ever, of what you do, Aware.
أَقُولُ مَا تَسْمَعُونَ وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللهَ لِي وَلَكُمْ مِنْ كُلِّ ذَنْبٍ فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهُ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
I say what you have heard and I seek forgiveness from Allah for me and you from every sin. So seek forgives from Him, Verily He is Oft-Forgiving, the Most Merciful.
الحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ, وَالصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَى رَسُولِ اللهِ , وَ أَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَاْ إِلَهَ إِلَّاْ اَللهُ وَحْدَهُ لَاْشَرِيْكَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدَاً عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُوْلُهُ
All praise is to Allah, and peace and blessings upon the Messenger of Allah, and I bear witness that there is no deity other than Allah and I bear witness that Mohammad is His slave and messenger.
The Quran provides remedies for the marital cases. And it explained the treatment of disobedience and arbitration between spouses. And explained the rulings for the standard divorce and the divorce requested by the woman. And detailed the rights of the two spouses. And established the law of pairing between the two spouses.
فَإِمْسَاكٌ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ تَسْرِيحٌ بِإِحْسَانٍ [الْبَقَرَةِ: 229
Al Baqarah (2) 229: Then [after that], either keep [her] in an acceptable manner or release [her] with good treatment.
And the issuance of many of the verses with fear indicates that it is necessary for the spouses and their representatives to solve any issues before they materialize. Rather by sensing them. Because stable homes produce mature families. And balanced children benefit their families and their ummah (nation). And how very eager the shaytan is to plant discord between the spouses. And to unravel the loving and affectionate families. As was revealed in the Hadith related by Jaber (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
إِنَّ إِبْلِيسَ يَضَعُ عَرْشَهُ عَلَى الْمَاءِ, ثُمَّ يَبْعَثُ سَرَايَاهُ, فَأَدْنَاهُمْ مِنْهُ مَنْزِلَةً أَعْظَمُهُمْ فِتْنَةً, يَجِيءُ أَحَدُهُمْ فَيَقُولُ: فَعَلْتُ كَذَا وَكَذَا, فَيَقُولُ: مَا صَنَعْتَ شَيْئًا, قَالَ ثُمَّ يَجِيءُ أَحَدُهُمْ فَيَقُولُ: مَا تَرَكْتُهُ حَتَّى فَرَّقْتُ بَيْنَهُ وَبَيْنَ امْرَأَتِهِ, قَالَ: فَيُدْنِيهِ مِنْهُ وَيَقُولُ: نِعْمَ أَنْتَ” (مُسْلِمٌ:2813).
Indeed Iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension) ; the closest to him in rank are those who make the most dissension. One of them comes and says: “I did so and so.” And he says: “You have done nothing.” Then one among them comes and says: “I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife.” He then brings him near to him and says: “You are good.” [Muslim 2813]
So Be conscious of Allah the Exalted and obey Him.
وَقَدِّمُوا لِأَنْفُسِكُمْ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّكُمْ مُلَاقُوهُ وَبَشِّرِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ [الْبَقَرَةِ: 223
Al Baqarah (2) 223: And put forth [righteousness] for yourselves. And fear Allah and know that you will meet Him. And give good tidings to the believers.
We ask Allah the Exalted to teach us what benefits us and to bestow on us the implementation of what we learned. And to guide us to what pleases Him. Indeed, He is All Hearing, Answering.
هَذَا وَصَلُّوا وَسَلِّمُوا عَلَى نَبِيِّكُم كَمَا أَمَرَكُمْ بِذلِكَ رَبُّكُمْ , فَقَالَ
I conclude with this and send prayers of blessings and peace upon your Prophet as your Lord commanded:
إِنَّ اللَّهَ وَمَلَائِكَتَهُ يُصَلُّونَ عَلَى النَّبِيِّ ۚ يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا صَلُّوا عَلَيْهِ وَسَلِّمُوا تَسْلِيمًا
Al Ahzaab (33) 56: Indeed, Allah confers blessing upon the Prophet, and His angels [ask Him to do so]. O you who have believed, ask [ Allah to confer] blessing upon him and ask [ Allah to grant him] peace.
اللَّهُمَّ اهْدِنا فِيمَنْ هَدَيْتَ وَعَافِنا فِيمَنْ عَافَيْتَ وَتَوَلَّنا فِيمَنْ تَوَلَّيْتَ وَبَارِكْ لنا فِيمَا أَعْطَيْتَ وَقِنا شَرَّ مَا قَضَيْتَ إِنَّكَ تَقْضِي وَلاَ يُقْضَى عَلَيْكَ وَإِنَّهُ لاَ يَذِلُّ مَنْ وَالَيْتَ تَبَارَكْتَ رَبَّنَا وَتَعَالَيْتَ
O Allah, guide us with those whom You have guided, grant us well-being among those You have granted well-being, be an ally to us along with those whom You are an ally to, and bless what You have bestowed upon us, and save us from the evil of what You have decreed. For verily You decree and none can decree over You. He whom You support can never be humiliated. Glory is to You, our Lord, You are Blessed and Exalted.
اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّا نَسْأَلُكَ مِنَ الْخَيْرِ كُلِّهِ عَاجِلِهِ وَآجِلِهِ مَا عَلِمْنا مِنْهُ وَمَا لَمْ نَعْلَمْ وَنَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الشَّرِّ كُلِّهِ عَاجِلِهِ وَآجِلِهِ مَا عَلِمْنا مِنْهُ وَمَا لَمْ نَعْلَمْ اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّا نَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ خَيْرِ مَا سَأَلَكَ عَبْدُكَ وَنَبِيُّكَ وَنَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا عَاذَ بِهِ عَبْدُكَ وَنَبِيُّكَ اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّا نَسْأَلُكَ الْجَنَّةَ وَمَا قَرَّبَ إِلَيْهَا مِنْ قَوْلٍ أَوْ عَمَلٍ وَنَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ النَّارِ وَمَا قَرَّبَ إِلَيْهَا مِنْ قَوْلٍ أَوْ عَمَلٍ وَنَسْأَلُكَ أَنْ تَجْعَلَ كُلَّ قَضَاءٍ قَضَيْتَهُ لَنا خَيْرًا
O Allah, We ask You for all that is good, in this world and in the Hereafter, what we know and what we do not know. O Allah, we seek refuge with You from all evil, in this world and in the Hereafter, what we know and what we do not know. O Allah, we ask You for the good that Your servant and Prophet has asked You for, and we seek refuge with You from the evil from which Your servant and Prophet sought refuge. O Allah, we ask You for Paradise and for that which brings one closer to it, in word and deed, and we seek refuge in You from Hell and from that which brings one closer to it, in word and deed. And we ask You to make every decree that You decree concerning us good
عِبَادَ اللّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَيَنْهَىٰ عَنِ الْفَحْشَاءِ وَالْمُنكَرِ وَالْبَغْيِ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ
Servants of Allah. Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded.
اُذْكُرُوا اللَّهَ الْعَظِيمَ يَذْكُرْكُمْ واشْكُرُوهُ يَزِدْكُمْ واسْتَغْفِرُوهُ يَغْفِرْ لكُمْ واتّقُوهُ يَجْعَلْ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَمْرِكُمْ مَخْرَجًا وَأَقِمِ الصّلَاة
Remember Allah, the Great – He will remember you. Thank Him for His favors – He will increase you therein. And seek forgiveness from Him – He will forgive you. And be conscious of Him – He will provide you a way out of difficult matters. And, establish the prayer.